Autonomous Vehicles are Not for Safety

Even if you’re not a real automotive enthusiast, you probably heard this week about the incident in Tempe, Arizona where a pedestrian was killed while crossing the road at night. This in itself is not rare. Pedestrians die every day, and Arizona actually has the fourth highest pedestrian deaths of any state, so it’s unfortunately especially common there.  The difference this time it was a Volvo XC90, being driven by Uber’s autonomous technology that struck and killed the woman, and it has understandably led to new questions about how safe autonomous vehicles actually are. The reality though, is that safety is only an occasional byproduct of autonomous technology.

Photo by ABC-15, via Associated Press

But safety is absolutely paramount in testing unproven technologies, and it’s clear that Uber was not doing their due diligence in this regard. At the time of the accident, the Volvo was being chaperoned by one Uber employee who, according to video of the incident, spent his time looking down, either at a phone or at a monitor, not paying attention to the road ahead. Jalopnik called around and pretty much every automaker testing autonomous vehicles uses two in-car minders; one to watch the road and correct any issues with immediate human input, and another to monitor the technology and keep logs of the car’s activity. Uber uses only one, so does Waymo. And we have to remember that Uber isn’t a car company, they’re an app company bleeding funds and trying to come up with a technology as fast as they can to provide taxi service without having to pay human drivers to operate it. It’s not in their best interest to pay to have two people in a car, even if it makes the drive safer.

And there are some extenuating factors in this case. It was really dark and the forward-facing camera in the car shows that, until just about two seconds before impact, the woman was very difficult to see. But those cameras don’t exactly capture the full spectrum of what the human eye can see and it stands to reason that an alert driver might have seen and been able to react to the woman in time to at least avoid her death. What almost certainly did see the woman were the Velodyne LiDAR arrays on the top of the Volvo, for which it being dark or night is immaterial. Velodyne says that the problem probably wasn’t their system seeing the woman, but rather Uber’s software interpreting the shape the LiDAR was seeing as a woman and acting accordingly. Instead, the car didn’t slow down at all and hit the woman at 40 miles per hour as she walked her bike across the street.

And the hardware talking to the software is just one of many ways autonomous vehicles can go wrong. Just like my computer gives me the spinning wheel of death when I try to do to many tasks at once, machines encounter problems sometimes that can either render them unusable, unstable or unresponsive, which becomes a problem when the machines are propelling 4,000 pound death machines down motorways at dangerous speeds. And that’s just to mention factors inside the vehicle. Just this week, a representative from the National Center for Atmospheric Research voiced his concern over autonomous vehicles’ overreliance on GPS because the technology is so vulnerable to interruption due to solar flares, which could render vehicles without knowing how to get where they’re going. 

As for the other side of the equation, the truth is we’ll never achieve 100% safety on the roads because humans are both stupid and unpredictable. We don’t use crosswalks, we pop out from behind things, we generally do our best to confuse and bewilder technology, like wearing billowy clothing that doesn’t make us look like humans, or carrying bikes that make us look like vehicles. Advances in artificial intelligence have computers beating humans in games like chess, Go and Jeopardy, but there’s a long way to go before it can adequately anticipate what us crazy humans are going to do.

So that brings us back to this week, when a woman crossed the road in dark clothing at night and not in a crosswalk, which should not have been a death sentence. And it might not have if Arizona hadn’t made themselves the absolute wild west of motor vehicle testing. Or if Uber had bothered to put a second person in their cars like most other automakers do. There’s a reason most automakers have their own or use closed proving grounds and race tracks to test vehicles in a variety of situations. While nothing can fully compare to real-life testing in scenarios that are difficult to replicate in a closed environment, I would find it hard to believe that they couldn’t have tested a woman walking a bike across the road. 

Since most automakers are testing on roadways with other drivers and pedestrians and no shortage of obstacles, safety clearly isn’t the primary concern of automakers in their rush to get autonomous technology into their vehicles. And if you’ve listened to my podcast, you probably know what I’m about to say. Autonomous cars are not about enhancing safety and reducing pedestrian or driver deaths. They’re about enhancing convenience and making money for both automakers and taxi apps like Uber and Lyft. Autonomous systems are yet another optional add-on for which Tesla, Cadillac, Chevrolet, Nissan and others can feel free to charge us thousands of dollars, which we’re happy to pay because rush hour driving is brutal. The incentive for safety comes not from a sense of duty to improve society, but from a fear of liability when and if something occurs. And now that something has, and the daughter of the woman killed has lawyered up, we’re going to see just how accountable these companies are going to be held when safety is not their first priority.

Authored by
Devlin Riggs

New Cars for the week of February 19th, 2018

Last week we saw several cars that are slated to “debut” in Geneva, ruining the surprise and sort of defeating the point of the motor show. Sure, outlets will still send their journalists to snap photos in person, but the press images distributed by the brands are already the best possible images you’re going to get of the new cars. What’s sort of ridiculous is that the show isn’t even this week but the week after! And most of these reveals aren’t coming from leaks, but rather seem to be planned PR measures by the brands. Maybe they figure they’ll be competing with other brands for the limelight at the actual show, so getting out there early is a good way to not get buried in a pile of more interesting cars? Maybe this is another sign that auto shows are waning in their popularity and influence and that future car launches will all happen in virtual reality. Who knows. In any case, here are your new cars.

SEAT’s Cupra Brand

It’s not often in this new car section that we get to talk about entirely new brands, but this week is special because of a design study leak and the following bean-spillage from Spain. SEAT, the company with the same name as something you sit on, but pronounced differently, has announced that they are spinning off Cupra, which was the name attached to the performance versions of their vehicles, into a completely stand-alone brand. Just like Mercedes has done with AMG and Volvo has done with Polestar, Cupra will now get their own models, as well as still creating performance versions of SEAT cars.

The announcement of the brand came with the new company’s first vehicle, the Cupra Ateca. Now, from a European performance brand, you’d expect their first vehicle to be a statement-maker – Something that says, “We’re here and we mean business, so watch out Honda Type R and Volkswagen GTI!” Instead, what we got was, “We’re here and we are heavily influenced by global market trends and intend to have solid sales instead of operating as a niche manufacturer catering to the desires of performance enthusiasts!” Needless to say, their first vehicle was a little underwhelming. As you might have guessed, it’s a compact crossover that looks aggressive, but isn’t really any faster than your neighbor's Toyota Highlander. It has 300 horsepower and all-wheel drive, which are cool and hits 60 in less than 5.5 seconds, which is quick, but not blistering. What’s more interesting is the design study of the Cupra Ibiza, a hot hatchback that SEAT has made for years and is apparently great to drive, though we don’t get it here in the States. So since we can’t get these and probably won’t see one unless we travel abroad, what’s the takeaway? Crossovers are ruining even the brands designed to be performance-oriented from the start.

Ferrari 488 Pista

Unlike Porsche, Ferrari doesn’t really do a whole lot of special editions of their vehicles, so when we get one, they tend to be pretty special. This was one of those special weeks because we were treated to details of the forthcoming 488 Pista, a track-focused version of the 488 GTB with 710 horsepower and 568 foot pounds of torque, delivering 62 miles per hour in just 2.85 seconds. This is also the first time I’ve seen a 0-60 time include hundredths of a second in its calculation, which is an illustration of just how ridiculous and excessive these cars are becoming. I don’t know about you, but if I drove one of those things, then sat in a McLaren 720S, which does the same run in 2.9 seconds, I would totally be like “oh yeah, you can definitely feel that the Pista is at least four hundredths of a second faster, but five?” The cars have virtually the same performance, so you can tell who Ferrari was benchmarking during testing, which should be pretty flattering for McLaren. Care to guess where this will debut? Yep, Geneva, where there will be no actual new cars.

Volvo V60

When I was test driving cars, the only vehicle to rival the GTI for my affection was the Volvo V60 T6 R-Design, which was attractive, fast, comfortable and handled well. It lost points for being expensive, heavy and having a dated interior, but it was a very strong contender. Now though, I’m really happy I didn’t buy it because there’s a new V60 coming soon and holy shit it is a beautiful, beautiful wagon. It cops the modern Volvo styling, complete with “Thor’s Hammer” headlights and sleek, sexy crisp curves and lines. The dated interior has been completely revised with a big central touchscreen and gigantic speakers you can see from the press photos and guy, we haven’t even gotten to the best part yet! The new V60 will be available with Volvo’s T8 powertrain, which pairs a twin turbo six cylinder engine with a plug-in hybrid system that develops 390 horsepower! Sure, this will be on some top of the line R-Design trim and will cost probably around $60k but not only does the wagon renaissance continue, the Hot Wagon market is heating up! While I’m in no hurry to replace the GTI, when the warranty runs out, there may be a few of these coming off lease and I might just be the first one in line.

Peugeot 508

Also revealed ahead of a formal unveiling in Geneva was the second generation Peugeot 508, which is the company’s flagship sedan. It’s super attractive, especially in the red color promoted in the photos distributed to media sources, and it’s been transitioned from a conventional sedan to a fastback, meaning the rear glass lifts with the trunk, which is a popular trend these days. The power trains aren’t likely to ignite any sort of passion for driving if you didn’t have it already, topping out at a 222 horsepower gasoline engine, but a plug-in hybrid version will be available after launch, which could tempt the more efficient-minded buyers. The interior is just as good looking as the exterior and it’s interesting to see the French company invest so much in the development of a really plush sedan, given the falling popularity of that vehicle style. The 508 isn’t slated to come to the US, but remember that all new Peugeots are designed to comply with American safety standards, so there’s a real possibility we could see it eventually.

Subaru Ascent

In significantly less exciting news, there’s a new big SUV from Subaru, who have been missing out on sales since the death of the Tribeca left them without a three-row crossover. Well that has been fixed with the new Ascent, which is a handsome-looking SUV that slots in above the Outback as Subaru’s largest and most expensive vehicle aside from the track-focused WRX STI Type RA, which is much more interesting. It’s about what you would expect from Subaru; all wheel drive is standard, as is their EyeSight safety package and it comes with Subaru’s turbocharged 2.4L boxer engine that puts out 260 horsepower through a super terrible CVT. I know this because I drove a Forester with that same combination and could not find an ounce of joy in that car. It’s also relatively under-powered compared to other vehicles in its class equipped with V6s, but at least it gets 27 miles per gallon, which is frugal. Subaru is aiming at the Toyota Highlander and Honda Pilot and hopes to even draw some customers away from the German brands, which I’m sure they can do if they find buyers who don’t care how their car looks or feels on the inside and place a greater emphasis on value for the money instead of driving experience. Honestly, I’m a Subaru fan, but they have done nothing to earn my affection recently.

Gold Cup S70

While China is on the cutting edge of electric vehicle technology, the country also has a reputation for appropriating the design of other vehicles. That rich tradition has continued this week with the Gold Cup S70, which is an odd bird. I say that because it has the beak that adorned most recent Acuras, but is a pickup truck that looks a lot like the current model Honda Ridgeline, so it wouldn’t be totally unreasonable to look at this and think, “Oh, Honda is making an Acura version of their pickup.” No, they’re not. But China is!

Authored by
Devlin Riggs

Headlines & New Cars for the week of January 29th, 2018

PSA Moves into ATL

Peugeot Citroen Group or PSA, as you’ll recall, recently bought Opel and Vauxhall from General Motors and it’s looking like that’s not the only way the French are coming after America. That’s because this week PSA group announced that their new North American headquarters would be based in Atlanta. Mercedes-Benz and Porsche have also opened headquarters in the Atlanta area, so it’s starting to become something of an automotive hub outside Detroit. As an America, which I assume most of you are, you’ll probably know that Peugeots and Citroens aren’t sold in America and haven’t been for the better part of 30 years. Well, that’s about to change, as we’ve heard that all future PSA models will be designed to comply with American safety standards. According to CEO Carlos Tavares, they’ll start selling their cars here in 2026, which is exciting, because there are a lot of really neat French cars that could only make the roads around here look better. Whether or not they make enough compact crossovers to satisfy the American market is a different thing though. 

Volvo’s Very Green Factory

As we’ve covered before, all next generation Volvos will be hybrids or electrics of some sort, but they’re probably going to be using some sort of gasoline engines for some time more. But to demonstrate how deep their commitment is to environmental responsibility, Volvo’s factory in Skövde, Sweden, is now entirely carbon neutral. They accomplished this through biomass and waste incineration to produce heat for the factory, which, way up there near the arctic circle, they definitely need, and by sourcing all of their power from renewable sources. This is something they intend to reproduce across all their factories by 2025. BMW, in typical BMW fashion, wants to get to the same destination faster and is aiming for carbon neutral status at all factories by 2020. It’s nice to see both how manufacturers are embracing environmental friendliness and to see that BMW can turn literally anything into a race.

Tesla Bringing the Fire to the Firetrucks

Photo by Culver City Firefighters

Tesla was back in the news this week when a Model S operating in semi-autonomous mode smashed into the back of a parked firetruck on the 405 highway in Los Angeles. The firetruck was blocking traffic to help clean up a prior accident and luckily nobody was injured, but the images make it look like the Tesla was going pretty damn fast at the time of the collision. When reached for a comment, Tesla representatives pulled out their old standby that autopilot was only supposed to be used by a fully attentive driver, which everyone immediately knows is bullshit because why would you name it autopilot if it wasn’t meant to take over for the driver? Clearly the driver wasn’t paying attention because it’s generally pretty hard to miss firetrucks with their big red bodies and flashing blue and red lights, especially in sunny, clear LA. What this really underscores is not the carelessness of drivers trusting their cars too much, but rather how far we have to go before autonomous driving is ready for our roads. Tesla plays it fast and loose in this regard, saying that they’re the closest company to a level 5 autonomous vehicle, and Chevy unveiled its completely driverless Bolt last week, but a study by AAA this week revealed that 63% of drivers actively fear autonomous cars joining our roads. Granted, that’s down from 78% last year, and somehow 51% of people still want some autonomous features in their cars. But stories like this keep cropping up and that 63% may start to creep back up again. 

Lexus’ Loserface

Jeff Bracken, who is Vice President and General Manager of Lexus Group, sat down with CarBuzz this past week and spoke very candidly about the famous, or infamous, spindle grill that adorns all modern Lexuses. He said the grill was an attempt to revive the Lexus brand from its formerly boring identity after Lexus was outsold by Mercedes and BMW in 2011. Average buyer age was inching up past 60 and the company needed to attract younger buyers to stay relevant, so they shook things up and slapped on a face that looks like an angry insect mated with an alien that had its face stretched back by an industrial leaf blower. I won’t ever knock a company for trying to do something different because trying to appeal to everyone means you’re going to wind up with a bland product that lacks identity and appeal. Basically, a Subaru. Functionally good but completely uninteresting. But in doing so, you polarize your audience, and what Lexus has done is taken its brand from boring to ugly, and I don’t know about you, but I’d rather drive a boring looking IS-F with a 400 horsepower V8 that nobody expects because it’s a sleepy sedan, than a hideous looking ES350 that goes okay but looks like it burns when exposed to sunlight and will be waiting underneath your bed when you go to sleep at night.

This Week in Shade Throwing

While Lexus’ VP sort of took a dump on his own brand’s styling, other auto executives took this week to throw some shade on their competitors. Starting with Aston Martin CEO Andy Palmer, he spoke to Autocar on the difficulty of working with electric vehicle manufacturers and vendors and highlighted Dyson in particular, saying “I wish him the best of luck but on the numbers that have been reported, I know you won’t do it for that money, and you won’t do it in that timescale. At least, I know that I couldn’t.” Of course he’s not saying that Dyson can’t do it, and highlights the fact that he couldn’t, but still definitely implying that they don’t know what they’re into. He mentioned other EV tech companies, saying “We’ve had discussions with about 10 of them. Every single one has underestimated the difficulty of engineering a car to a budget and to an aggressive timescale. Some of them will get there, but always over budget and late.” 

Speaking of companies that sound an awful lot like Tesla, Bob Lutz, former GM executive, came out swinging this week, first bending over backwards to compliment the company on their incredible achievements in creating an attractive, fast electric car, but then he went off the rails a little bit. After suggesting that collectors should start snapping up Model Ss, he said “Twenty-five years from now, [the Model S] will be remembered as the first really good-looking, fast electric car. People will say "Too bad they went broke.’” Bob is not known for pulling punches, but he is known for reviving General Motors, so he absolutely knows the automotive industry, which should be fairly alarming for Elon Musk and Tesla. They, however, know how to run technology companies, and as the automotive market increasingly becomes the technology market, maybe they’ll figure it out or maybe Bob will be totally right.

Faraday Future Resembles the Presidency

In other electric vehicle startup news, Faraday Future lost their head of human resources this week, which wouldn’t have been much of a story if they hadn’t made it one. For one, the departing Crystal Peterson had been with the company for three years, which is ages in startup years, and her departure was greeted with an internal communication (which was, of course, leaked to the press) indicating a new no-tolerance policy for negativity or disloyalty. “We will not allow the organization to be submarined from within” said the memo. Oh, I think we’re well past, that, guys.

Be Nice to Robot Pizza Man

Last summer, I covered a story detailing the miserable lives led by some Ford engineers who had to babysit autonomous pizza delivery cars shipping out piping hot Domino’s to residents of Ann Arbor, Michigan. Well, occasional co-host and frequent contributor to the show Mike LaBozzetta shared with me a story that wrapped up some of their findings from the study, which did end up being pretty interesting, but still not something I’m sure was a good use of their master’s degrees. They learned that people were paranoid and didn’t want to enter the last four digits of their credit card to receive their pizza, but they were just fine entering their phone number. They learned that people were courteous and would thank the autonomous car for bringing them their pies. They learned that people were dumb and would come outside without shoes on and not want to step into the street where there may be broken glass. All of this evaluation of the user experience will help inform and refine future delivery processes for both Domino’s and Ford, which will make things easier for people as this sort of technology catches on. What I think we’ll start seeing is, rather than tailoring existing cars to fit the specific types of tasks an autonomous vehicle performs, I think we’ll probably see a tailoring of the vehicle design, where maybe there’s an animated figure that interacts with the user to both establish a personal connection and engender trust, so they can receive the credit card information and say “you’re welcome” when the vehicle gets thanked or “I’m sorry, you really should be wearing shoes” when the car runs over your bare feet. 

NYC to Try Charging for Congestion

Despite conjuring images of black lungs, congestion in cities is quite a different thing and is definitely a problem in many cities worldwide. While we have toll roads and bridges here in America, we haven’t really seen any congestion charges levied in any cities yet. But that could change soon in New York because a proposal from the governor’s panel recommends establishing a $11.52 charge for drivers accessing certain parts of the city. This is intended to discourage drivers going to areas to try to reduce congestion, thus the name. Scheduled to go into effect in 2020 if approved, the charges are projected to raise $810 million without factoring in fees for taxis or Uber or Lyft drivers, much of which would get reinvested into the city’s subway system, which is barely functioning. Of course, instead of driving, people will probably try to take the subway to get to the parts of the city now covered by the congestion charge, in which case they’ll be using the already-horrible system and not paying the fee to improve it. So New York definitely has it all figured out.

Once Again, LA’s in it for the Looks

Photo by Los Angeles Times

On the other coast, Los Angeles has been called out for its highly publicized purchase of all-electric BMW i3 patrol cars. A CBS investigation found that, after having the city spend more than $10 million on the cars, they mostly sit around unused in a parking garage. The whole report was pretty damning, finding the cars had very few miles and that the “administrative purposes” the cops were supposed to be using these for turned out to be manicures and not much else. They’re leasing the vehicles from BMW, getting a hundred of them every couple of years and BMW must be thrilled to be getting such low mileage cars back off lease to sell on to manicurists across the southland. Get your shit together, LA.

Bentley Takes on the Mountain

Speaking of doing things just for looks, Bentley has announced that they will be entering their new Bentayga SUV in the annual Pike’s Peak International Hill Climb this year. Now, I get on automakers’ cases for testing their cars on the Nurburgring because, come on, who really cares? Even most auto enthusiasts don’t get to drive on the Nurburgring. But taking a 5,340lb SUV on a grueling hill climb normally reserved for purpose-built race cars takes idiocy to an entirely new level. Maybe they just think they aren’t selling enough cars in Colorado, or maybe they thought Richard Hammond got some great press when he crashed his Rimac on a hill climb in Switzerland that they thought they could replicate it? Dunno. It’s dumb. 

Bullitt Bonus to Help Boys

After announcing the new Bullitt Mustang last week, Ford auctioned off the first to roll off the production line and it fetched $300,000 at the Barrett-Jackson auction. Unlike most auction sales, where buyers pay way over the value of a car to benefit nothing but their own ego, the money will actually go to Boys Republic, a school for troubled young men in California. A fun fact here is that Steve McQueen, famous actor and race driver, who drove a Mustang in the movie Bullitt for which the special model got its name, he actually attended Boys Republic when he was a kid. So kudos to Ford for doing something nice and making that neat connection there. I’m sure they’ll make up some of that money from suing John Cena for selling his GT.

Ford’s Self-Serving Study

But suing people and giving back to charity aren’t all Ford has been up to. This week they released the findings of a survey they conducted that found that, wouldn’t you just know it, driving a sports car makes ya feel good! Apparently the study focused on the vaguely-termed “Buzz moments” and what triggers them by testing people’s reactions to watching Game of Thrones, kissing their partner, dancing and driving a Focus RS. Unsurprisingly, they found that driving the Focus RS gave participants more buzz moments than all the other testing situations. Unfortunately, it could also give them carbon monoxide poisoning because Ford also announced a service advisory for more than 27,000 Focus RS models because of bad head gaskets, which has apparently been a known issue that is only now being confirmed. So if you’re driving a Focus RS and you’re feeling light-headed, you could be having one of those great buzz moments, or your brain could be starved for oxygen and you need to seek medical treatment.

Owl’s Involuntary Ride Ends Surprisingly Well

Photo by Petersburg Animal Care and Control

A couple of weeks ago, I covered a story about a bobcat getting stuck in a vehicle’s grill after being hit and being taken for a 50-mile ride. Well folks, it’s happened again, but this time to a great horned owl! After being hit by an SUV, the owl became lodged in the grill of the car for 160 miles before the drivers finally decided to stop and see what that thing was he hit a few states back. Fortunately, the poor owl will be okay apart from a few busted blood vessels in his eye and some tussled feathers, but people. Come on. If you hit something, (and you would feel it if you hit one of the largest owls in the world) pull over and check it out! 

Would you Trust 3D Printed Brakes? 

3D printing has come a long way in recent years, going from high-end manufacturing to consumer-friendly applications. Chances are you know someone who owns a 3D printer, but Bugatti is going a step beyond creating neat figurines, puzzles or wedding toppers. They’re working with a German company to develop 3D printed brake calipers - the things that squeeze the brake pads onto the brake rotors to actually cause your car to stop moving. Typically, brake calipers are cast aluminum or steel or iron because it’s reliable, sturdy and doesn’t flex, ensuring you get even braking which, as you can imagine, is fairly important. But cast metal is heavy and when you’re talking about super cars, every little gram of weight reduction helps improve performance. But the more weight you take out of brake calipers, the more likely they are to flex, which reduces braking performance. So by 3D printing these calipers, Bugatti is hoping to get the best of both worlds; light as a feather and stiff as a board. Kind of like that stupid game dumb kids play when they want to pretend their friends are dead.

Lotus Leader Leading Lovely Life

Photo by Warren Allott for the Telegraph

Jean-Marc Gales is the CEO of Lotus and someone I think would be really fun to grab a beer with. How can I tell? No, it’s not the french name, it’s the fact that he was pulled over for doing 102 miles per hour in a 70 mile per hour zone last year and tried to get out of the ticket by saying that it was important that he test the cars himself. Of course it didn’t work and he was fined £666 for his trouble and banned from driving for 30 days. In the worst case scenario, he could’ve been banned for six months, so he did get off light. And I know what some people will say “oh, he was driving dangerously.” Well there’s a difference between driving fast and driving dangerously, and you can hit those sorts of high speeds very quickly when nobody is around so it isn’t necessarily the case that he was endangering anyone. At the same time, dude, you’re a CEO of a major British car company. Your engineers take these cars to the countless tracks you have in England to test them. Just tag along sometime and test them there. It’ll be so much better and you won’t get banned! Still, Jean-Marc, you’re my kind of idiot. 

It’s the Dream of the (Honda) 90s in Forever 21

Like it or not, mom jeans are back in style and so is plaid flannel, holes in denim and a bunch of other dumb stuff we used to wear in the 90s. For me, this isn’t a real problem because my wardrobe never really evolved beyond that, but in case yours did and you’re aching to get back with that vintage vibe, and you also happen to be a huge fan of Honda Motorsports, well you should hit up Forever 21. The disposable clothing company announced this week that they are coming out with an outrageously extreme lineup of Honda-themed apparel that screams 90s and, as obnoxious as most trendy things are, I kind of love it? But at the same time I don’t. Because I would love it if it were one of those “look how crazy and silly this is, I’m going to wear it because I don’t care what people think and I think it’s radical,” but I fear it’s actually a “this is so extra because it looks like what my stepbrother used to wear when he would like come back from street racing with his friends. Oh my god, remember Bryan? I had such a huge crush on Bryan! Anyway, what’s Honda 500?”

High Times & Dank Withdrawals

If there is one business that has made a name for itself by catering to stoners and drunks, it’s Taco Bell. The home and indeed birthplace of "fourthmeal" knows its core customers, what they want and when they want it. The problem for their customers is, Taco Bell isn’t everywhere, which leads to problems like we saw this week in Spring Hill, Florida. There, a man desperately jonesing for a burrito tried to order one from a drive through lane at a Bank of America. Unfortunately for this gentleman, they were fresh out, so he passed out behind the wheel in his car, blocking a lane. After the manager tried pounding on the car to wake him up, he repeated his request and, when it couldn’t be satisfied, drove off in a huff. Fortunately he only made it as far as the parking lot, where he parked to pass out again. Cops determined he was high on Oxycodone and Xanax, which he was actually prescribed, and charged him with a DUI. So not only did the poor guy not get his burrito, he received prison con queso. Where queso is a hefty fine.

New Cars

LFP Hellion

Every once in a while, something good comes out of Ohio. My wife is one example, but it’s been more than 30 years, so they’re about due. In comes Lebanon Ford, a dealership in Ohio that just loves mustangs, but thinks that the measly 420 horsepower V8 is just pathetic. To resolve this perceived issue, they’re twin turbocharging the V8 and selling the revised model as the LFP Hellion. The crazy thing is, this thing starts at 600 to 700 horsepower at 7 PSI, but the turbos can be tuned to run at 30 PSI, meaning the car pumps out an incredible and entirely unusable 1,200 horsepower. And all of this starts at just $52,000. Of course, the current Mustang is one of the best looking in the company’s history, and now with Lebanon Ford’s help, they are also the most ridiculously powerful. In terms of bang for the buck, this has to be one of the best. Well done, Ohio. 

Casil Motors SP-110 Edonis Fenice

Even the relative car noobs will probably at least know of Bugatti from their outrageous Veyron (one of which I actually saw on the highway last weekend) and, more recently, the Chiron, but those are not the only two relatively modern super cars the company has made. The sort of analog black sheep of the Bugatti family is the EB110, which was last produced 26 years ago, but still looks incredible. Well a company that specializes in repairing those 110s apparently purchased a bunch of carbon fibre monocoque chassis for the 110 and are planning on making their own vehicle with ten of them. In place of the EB110’s surprisingly reasonable 550 horsepower quad-turbo 3.5 litre V-12, they’re porting it to 3.8 litres and twin turbocharging it to 720 horsepower, which will deliver 60 miles per hour in 3.4 seconds on your way to a claimed top speed of 220. The vehicle, which has a very sad look about it could be sad because of its name. It’s called the Casil Motors SP-110 Edonis Fenice, which sounds like a great name you give to a cat that’s an asshole so you can put him down in a way that he knows he’s being put down, but can’t do anything about. But for a car? That’s kind of a shame.

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Automotive Wednesday

If you listened to my podcast last week, you'll know that everything sort of went to shit for me in a number of ways, some of them quite literal. Let me set the scene...

It's Wednesday, January 3rd, 2018. 

First thing in the morning, one of our cats (we have two cats and two dogs to keep harmony in the pet universe) has been having kidney issues and heart troubles and has lost some weight from not eating, so my wife took him to the vet in her Ford Fusion Energi. Undoubtedly traumatized by the experience, the cat does absolutely nobody a favor and spends the ride home from the vet shitting himself, and then freaking out and jumping all over the shit. Which, fortunately, was confined to the crate in which he was being transported. 

People, if you do not transport your pets in crates, not only are you asking for shit all over your seats and carpets, it is extremely dangerous for the animals if you get into a wreck and they go flying. 

Speaking of wrecks, that’s where the evening comes in.

This video was captured by my Yi dashboard camera as I was t-boned while driving through a green light on my way home last night. I really pride myself on being able to anticipate other drivers and having great situation awareness, but I honestly did not see the impact coming at all. You may have noticed toward the end of the clip that you hear me laugh, or at least I think that’s me and not the episode of the Everyday Driver podcast I was listening to. Apart from the fact that it makes me sound like I’ve lost my mind, I think it’s because a driver had just run the red light going eastbound on the road I was crossing. There are three lanes going that way and only one lane going westbound, so I was looking to the left to make sure nobody else was going to run that light and hit me. And then pow, I’m hit by someone in the only lane going westbound. And this wasn’t some sort of light-turns-green-I-gun-it thing. The eastbound driver blew the light a second after it turned red and I waited until I saw that the others going that way had stopped.

By the time I got hit, the light had been green for at least five or six seconds. The guy who hit me offered no explanation for why he wasn’t paying any attention to the light. He did, however, admit fault to both me and the police and apologized. I mean I know he didn’t mean to do it, his 2010 Escape is just as messed up as the Mazda. 

Fortunately, both he and I are okay. I got a knock on the knee and am still a bit sore, but I don’t anticipate any lasting effects. It might have been a different story if he had hit me on my driver’s side. I’m waiting to hear about whether or not my car is totaled, but it took a really big hit and I would be more surprised if they try to fix a five year old Mazda with 85,000 miles on it. 

They say bad things come in threes, so naturally the universe had to bend us over a barrel and show us the 50 states yesterday when we got home after my wife picked me up from the police station where I was taken after my car was towed. 

We got home, raised the garage door and went inside, closing the door as we entered the house. After a couple of bangs and squeaks, we rushed back out to the garage to find the door had managed to detach itself from the track on four of the eight rollers and was perilously hanging, unable to be lifted or lowered. But this is where our luck (finally) started to change. We have amazing neighbours. Honestly, my wife and I feel like we won the neighbor lottery. Next door lives a contractor and his son, who is a small engine certified mechanic and who has already helped out with a few things I couldn’t figure out myself. One of his best friends, who I frequently talk to about trucks when he’s over, is honest to god an overhead door technician. He was over in 15 minutes and in 30 minutes we had the door closed and back on the track. It’s not totally fixed yet, but should be soon, and it’s no longer an open invitation for someone to rob us of all our shit. So thank you thank you thank you Nick and Garret, you guys are awesome!

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My first consideration is the Mazda CX-9. This is the safe choice. The 2016 model is drastically improved over its predecessor, offers tastefully sharp styling, a pretty rewarding ride and decent handling and fairly good power from a four cylinder skyactiv turbo engine. It also has a third row of seats, which is great for winery trips or hauling other people’s children to be eaten by German fairy tale grandparents. It's not especially interesting or special in any way, though.  

Next is the Toyota 4Runner. It’s no secret, I’ve been a fan of four runners for a long time and the rugged utility would be nice on lake weekends or for home renovation projects, which seem to be basically the only thing I do anymore outside of work and this podcast. The styling of the most recent generations isn’t great, in my opinion, and the power from the 4-litre V6 is okay, but it definitely doesn't have the speed, handling or enjoyment to drive I'm looking for. The 4Runner does have a third row and off-road capabilities which I might use more if I had them.

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I'm also considering the Toyota Tacoma. Like the 4Runner, I’ve been a fan of the indestructible Hilux or Tacoma for a long time, and that sort of nostalgia and brand loyalty plays strongly in the inclusion of them both in my decision. The 2016 model introduced some great changes to the Tacoma in a nicer interior, more aggressive styling and a bunch of handy features that pickup enthusiasts understand better than I do. Again, points are gained for utility, but no third row seat, and lost for ride, handling and speed. But reliability and resale value of both these trucks is absolutely off the charts, so if it turns out two years down the road that I’m ready to be back in a fast car, I won’t lose much when it comes time to sell. 

The Lexus IS 350  is not the ISF because I’ve checked prices and those are well out of the range of feasibility, but the IS350 is no slouch. It’s quick, it’s reasonably nimble and it’s a nice, comfortable place to be inside. It’s crazy reliable, but not especially interesting, and recent model years have become afflicted with lexus-face, which sort of looks like cyborgs mated with the aliens from predator, but also with Lightning McQueen from cars and the outcome was, well, not good. Interior space is also apparently cramped so fitting all my stuff may be a challenge.

The the successor to the G35 and G37 sedans, the Infiniti Q50, retains the 3.7 litre V6 that makes my heart skip a beat when I hear it. There’s no question that nostalgia plays into this because I miss my G35 coupe so badly, but is it a good idea to basically get the same car, but with four doors? Can I move forward while also moving back? Speed, handling and reliability are all checked but the Q50 is fairly ubiquitous on the roads these days, so it’s not very interesting or special. But I know how that smile is going to crack across my face when I punch it and hear that exhaust note.

I'm also considering the Infiniti FX50. I’ve talked about this on the podcast before. Nissan basically took the G35 platform, stretched it a bit, put a larger wagon body on it, lifted it a few inches and threw out the V6, replacing it with their biggest engine, a 5 litre V8. At almost 400 horsepower, this is the most excessively fast on this list, and the S model has rear wheel steering and active dampening, so sharp handling and fun to drive are definitely in the “yes” camp. I’ve also heard many positive things about the long term reliability of the V8 and it has more cargo space than the Mazda (albeit barely), so it’s fairly practical. It definitely is not fuel efficient, but it’s interesting and special. 

Number seven on the list (if you're counting) is the Acura TSX Sportwagen. I looked at these when I got the Mazda and really liked them, but they were slightly out of my price range. Five years later and guess what? They’re in my price range. Go figure. They’re totally practical, totally reliable, somewhat rare because they didn’t sell very well in the states because they were released before the wagon renaissance, but also without Acura’s lovely V6. All that weight has to cope with a 200 horsepower four cylinder, and it does pretty well. It’s not fast, but it’s not slow, and it handles well for having a pretty big body. I liked it a lot when I drove it before and that probably won’t change. But will it put as big a smile on my face?

Lastly, the Volvo V60 T6 R design. It’s 325 horsepower and 354 pound feet of nordic fury, but packaged in an unassuming estate package. Powerful enough with its turbocharged straight six to put a smile on my face and practical enough to haul all my photography gear doing it. The interior may look like it’s from 2006, but coming from the Mazda, almost anything is a step up. Reliability on newer Volvos is somewhat questionable. They’re not as bulletproof as they used to be, and it’s not the Polestar version that is completely mental, but I think the T6 R-Design is still pretty special. 

That about does it for my unfortunate tale and quest for a new car pending the decision of my insurance. If you have any suggestions that you didn't see on my list or experience (positive or negative) with the cars I'm considering, please leave me a comment below!

Authored by
Devlin Riggs