No Longer Saved By Zero
Nowadays, Chevy and Buick are at the top of my list when it comes to the absolute worst car commercials on television. Between the just genuinely terrible, staged, fake, “Real People” ads and the awful techno Buick surprise ads, it’s hard to think it was ever worse. And yet, Toyota tried their best to rob us of our sanity in 2008 with their “Saved by Zero” campaign that featured music from the Fixx to promote their zero percent financing program in the Fall. Of course, 2008 was right as the housing bubble was bursting, so low rates became common, and they’re still around today, but they may not be around too much longer. With interest rates rising three times last year and slated to rise again this year, offering zero percent interest to buyers is getting more and more untenable because it comes at the cost of profit to the dealership. But it’s still around in many places to try to spur sales that have been sagging. So what’s happening is a situation where dealerships and automakers are trying to decide whether to try to keep selling more cars, or sell fewer cars at a higher profit. In any case, if you’re in the market for a new car and have great credit, now might be a good time to buy.
Vintage Restoration Business is Booming
For people more interested in used cars, it’s looking like manufacturers are hopping aboard the vintage car bandwagon to help their old vehicles stay on the road. Usually when cars are discontinued, parts continue to be made for a few years and then the molds for the pieces are all destroyed and effort goes into producing parts for newer cars. This makes it pretty tough if you have an old car you love and want to keep it on the road if parts keep breaking. You have to rely on third party manufacturers of dubious quality or get something custom made, which can be super expensive. Fortunately, the cost of custom making things keeps going down thanks to new technology like 3D printing. Porsche this week announced that they would use exactly that technology to start making replacement parts for the 959 and 356, among other old vehicles. They have started printing just eight parts that apparently go wrong a lot, but are open to expanding their range to include other pieces and you know they’re of good quality since they’re produced by the mothership.
Fiat Chrysler is getting into the vintage restoration business too, with their “Reloaded by Creators” initiative. Instead of manufacturing individual parts though, they’re taking in whole cars and rebuilding them from the ground up, then selling them to collectors. Aston Martin and Jaguar already have similar programs and while there may not be too many vintage Chryslers that warrant full restoration, there are plenty of old Alfa Romeos, Lancias and Fiat Abarths that are deserving of some factory TLC. Who knows, the Italians might have even learned a few things in the 40 years since most of these cars were produced but, based on current reliability ratings, I wouldn’t count on it.
UConnect, IBreak
I say that because those Italians are in the same company as Chrysler, a company that pushed out an over-the-air update to its UConnect infotainment system on Friday that sent many, many vehicles’ infotainment systems into an inescapable boot-loop that, for some, has yet to be resolved. Until it is, drivers can look forward to having no radio, no reverse camera and limited control over vehicle interior functions. Aren’t touchscreens and technology great!?
Porsche’s Mission E Possible
Over in Stuttgart, Porsche is making waves with news that their Mission E vehicle will charge its batteries in less than half the time that it takes a Tesla to charge, more closely mimicking the refueling time of gasoline cars. They’re taking the shade throwing to another level, calling their system “Turbo Charging” to one up Tesla’s Supercharging, in which I can only assume is the first stage of a one upsmanship battle that ends in all of us using Ultra-Extreme MegaCharging PowerVolt MaxWatt Stations. Porsche achieves the faster charge rate by doubling the output of chargers, up to 800 volts, which can’t just run through the same channels as 400 volt chargers. It requires a wholly different and more expensive infrastructure and a different structure to the batteries, meaning this tech would be exclusive to Porsche. This opens up a whole other conversation about charging technology standards. Already, there are four different standards of charging port; one endorsed by the German automakers and Ford, one for Tesla, one from the Japanese automakers and one for China, which has by far the biggest lead in developing an EV infrastructure. What this likely means is that we’re going to wind up having to carry around a trunk full of adapters or that recharging stations will need to provide different plugs to suit different vehicles. Unless politicians want to get involved and try to pick one, but that would require regulations, and who needs those, right!?
Drowsy Driving Debate
Depending on who you ask, drowsy driving can be just as dangerous as drunk driving, or it could be just a minor thing that doesn’t have an appreciable impact on traffic safety. The National Highway Transportation Safety Administration is in the latter camp, with research indicating that only 2.5% of fatal crashes are the result of driving tired, but a new study from AAA indicates that up to 10.8% of crashes with moderate to severe damage could be caused by a lack of sleep. In their study, AAA put cameras in front of more than 3,500 drivers to track if crashes were the result of drowsy driving, which is how they wound up at almost 11%. The thing is, these drivers knew they were being watched and should have been incentivized to be on their best behavior, and yet still many drove tired and crashed. Plus AAA threw out any instances where they couldn’t see the faces of drivers more than 75% of the time, like if the driver was wearing sunglasses or if their hands were obscuring the camera, so the real numbers could be much higher than the data suggests.
On the heels of that study, Uber has rolled out a “feature” that limits drivers to a maximum of 12 hour shifts behind the wheel. The update will not permit drivers to accept new fares for six hours after working for 12 hours straight. Meanwhile, the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration mandates that all truckers carrying passengers work no more than ten straight hours and take at least 8 hours off between shifts. Not to mention it has stricter requirements for drivers to obtain licenses to transport passengers. I get that the current trend is to damn all regulations and let the free market reign supreme, but beyond a certain point, we have to accept that some regulations have been put in place for the safety of consumers and that they shouldn’t be overturned or ignored or loopholed simply because regulations are bad. Uber and Lyft and other ride sharing companies cut some red tape and provide people with jobs, which is great, and I wholeheartedly support the gig economy, but by consistently flaunting the rules applied to other sectors, they walk a risky path that could lead to even tighter regulations for everyone.
Waymo vs. Uber Settles, We All Move On Unhappy
Speaking of Uber, news came out that they settled their lawsuit with Google’s self-driving company Waymo for a cool $245 million this week, which is sort of anti-climactic because we don’t get a real “winner” in the battle for self-driving supremacy, as a jury wasn’t able to weigh in on the situation. What we get instead is a muddled non-admission from Uber that they stole trade secrets and an acceptance from Waymo that what they stole wasn’t worth more than $245 million minus attorney’s fees. So as Uber’s apology tour for their various misdeeds continues, they can at least cross “stealing from our competitors” off the list.
Magic Cool Bus
Every year, the battle is usually between the Honda Accord and Honda Civic for which is the most stolen car, and for good reason. Whenever you see either car, you probably think “there’s a reasonable sedan driven by someone who bought based on a rich history of automotive reliability,” not “there’s a thieving criminal trying to lay low until he can get this baby to the chop shop.” Just like when you see a school bus, you think “there’s a municipal vehicle on the way to or from picking up children to advance their education.” But when you see a school bus hauling ass down a residential road at 3 AM, maybe you start thinking something else, and that’s precisely what happened to a police officer in Trotwood, Ohio. After following the bus for a while, the officer tried pulling it over for a traffic violation, which initiated what few would call a very high speed chase, but a chase enough that police called it off because it was getting too dangerous. And they were right to because the bus crashed not long after on a home’s front lawn. There, police arrested a couple of guys who had been sleeping in the big, yellow, very conspicuous, very poor getaway car.
Ontario’s Rich Police
In other crime news, police in Ontario, Canada have purchased a Tesla Model X police cruiser, which has not gone over too well with taxpayers. The Model X starts at more than $100,000 Canadian and then had to be customized with light bars and the various other things that differentiate cop cars from normal vehicles, so it was likely a very expensive publicity stunt. Criminals, on the other hand, are probably thrilled since they just need to find a getaway car with a range greater than 300 miles. Even if they get caught, there’s no guarantee the finicky falcon doors on the Model X will work to put them in. It was, however, probably a better buy than a Model 3, because the department would still be waiting until 2019 to get it and even then the criminals might be able to escape through some of the car’s panel gaps.
Money Doesn’t Buy Brains
Photo by Fellsmere Police
As a man who drives for about two hours every day in traffic, I don’t need more reason to believe that most people shouldn’t be allowed to drive. And yet, nearly every week, there’s a story that chips away at my already weathered opinion of my fellow drivers. This week’s example comes from Florida, and is truly as insanely stupid as a story from Florida should be. A man driving a fifteen year-old BMW X5 SUV called 911 to report that he was speeding and that his gas pedal was stuck and he was unable to slow down from the 100 miles per hour he had somehow achieved. BMW, however, are calling bullshit on the whole thing because the X5 uses floor-mounted pedals so there’s no way the pedal could’ve gotten stuck by a floor mat or other obstruction. Furthermore, the X5 is drive-by-wire, meaning there’s no physical connection between the gas pedal and the throttle and that the car’s computer cuts all throttle whenever the brake pedal is pushed. I’ll connect the dots here for you because this means that the man never pressed the brake pedal when trying to slow his car down, which sounds an awful lot like he was not at all trying to slow the car down. The 911 operator even tried offering him some tips like shifting into neutral, turning the car off or gently applying the parking brake to bring the vehicle to a stop. All of these things were deemed ridiculous by the idiot man who claimed his car might spin out if he did any of them. So how’d they end up stopping him? Spike strips. Spike strips which he swerved to avoid the first time they tried. If you’re worried about spinning out your car, and spike strips and swerving seem like better options than shutting off your car, switching into neutral or applying your damn brake pedal, you should be banned from even riding in cars for the rest of your life. This man must be banished to walk. Welcome back to the caveman days buddy, you’ve earned it.
Authored by
Devlin Riggs