Headlines for the Week of March 19th, 2018

List time!

Do you like lists? Well we got some lists this week, starting with Consumer Reports, who, uh, reported on the ten new cars most likely to last longer than 200,000 miles. This is, of course, not based on any sort of long-term testing since they're new cars, but rather based on expectations set by old versions of the cars. As you'd expect, the list is entirely comprised of Hondas and Toyotas, with the sole non-Honda/Toyota being the Ford F-150.
Another list we got was from Edmunds of their vehicle brands with the most and least loyal buyers. So did the likelihood that cars will last longer than 200,000 miles correlate with higher brand loyalty? Yep. Toyota and Honda were first and third, with only Subaru coming between them. Also in the top ten non-luxury brands were Ram, Chevy, Hyundai, Kia, Nissan, Ford and Mazda. Jeep just missed out on the top ten, ranking that high probably only due to the popularity of the Wrangler. At the bottom? You guessed it. Dodge, Chrysler and Fiat.

Ford’s Future Sees Several SUVs

Remember the first generation Ford Explorer? The one that had the exploding Wilderness AT tires that caused them to flip over and kill people? Well, one of the reasons that story was news was because SUVs were relatively new and the high center of gravity exacerbated the likelihood of the vehicle flipping in an accident. From that Explorer, we got tougher safety rules for tires, for roof rigidity and for rollover resistance. But what we also got were a whole slew of other SUVs that followed Ford's recipe of building large vehicles built primarily for on-road use. It's surprising then, that one of the pioneers of the SUV movement has fallen so far behind its competitors as the SUV craze heats up again. Ford's existing Escape, Edge, Explorer and Expedition are fine, but don't particularly stand out in an increasingly crowded field.

So Ford is taking action as we've discussed recently, coming out with a new Bronco and now a baby Bronco that promise off-road prowess to those seeking it, while ST versions of most models will inject some sportiness where there currently really isn't any. While other brands go upmarket, Ford is looking to expand to performance niches, which should be attractive to enthusiasts. But Ford also announced this week that it's entering a three year partnership with Indian manufacturer Mahindra to develop some small cars, but interestingly, an electric SUV. Apparently Mahindra will supply the body of the vehicle with the technology that goes inside coming from Ford, who only have a few forays into the electric vehicle realm currently. Its interesting that Ford wouldn't want to use any of their existing platforms for such a development, but perhaps Mahindra just has a chassis that caters particularly well to electrification. In any case, these cross-company collaborations are becoming increasingly common as brands look to reduce costs and expand into new markets.

Musk Makes Mad Money

Despite not accepting a paycheck for his work at Tesla, the company's board and shareholders have generously decided to force one upon him, assuming he meets specific goals related to the company's value in the stock market. The company is currently valued at $56 billion and the bonuses for performance kick in once the company hits $100 billion. If the company becomes one of the highest valued in the world at $650 billion, Musk would earn an incredible $55 billion for himself. As is, he'll have to be content with his paltry $2.6 billion in company stock, which in addition to his existing $20 billion net worth, will probably be enough to keep him warm at night. This comes despite the fact that, yet again, the company is likely going to miss its production targets for Q1 for the Model 3, which still has around 450,000 outstanding orders yet to be filled.

Shareholders and the board also don't seem upset by the fact that many of the new cars coming off the assembly line have to go directly to reworking facilities because the part quality, fit and finish are so poor. Nor does it bug them that things are taking so long because much of the cars are being hand-built while the robots that are supposed to be making them just sort of hang out in Germany. Also not phasing them is the fact that Tesla fired 700 employees in October or the fact that the United Auto Workers union is getting increasingly aggressive with its activities around the Fremont, California facility. Nope, none of this matters because they say that they see a bigger opportunity for long-term value through energy capture, storage and use. Well, unfortunately for them, they're not the only company working in each of those areas, and they certainly aren't the company with the best product in any of them. And in the interest of full disclosure, I do work for a company that produces an energy storage system similar to Tesla's, so I do have an idea of what the competitive marketplace looks like.

LSEV EV is 3DP

It was inevitable. After we heard about Porsche and Bugatti 3D printing parts for their vehicles to improve performance and reduce cost, it was only a matter of time before we saw an entire car made by a 3D printer. Well, that day is today because Chinese company Polymaker has worked with Italian manufacturer X Electrical Vehicle to produce the LSEV, which is almost entirely 3D printed. Obviously things like the chassis, tires and windshield could not be printed for safety reasons, but that's apparently about it in terms of other parts produced normally. They say they've also been able to reduce the amount of plastic parts in the car from 2,000 (which is typical in conventionally produced vehicles) to just 57. Imagine driving a car with just 57 plastic panels on it! Of course this comes at a cost, which is performance. It has just 93 miles of range and only drives 47 miles per hour, making it mildly more effective than a golf cart, which honestly probably has even fewer plastic panels and apparently fewer is better?

Nissan’s Electrified Future

Nissan announced this week a new initiative called M.O.V.E., which is an acronym for "Mobility, Operational Excellence, Value to Customers and Electrification," and which aims to sell a million electrified vehicles by 2022. Of course, "electrified" can mean hybrid or plug-in and not necessarily true electric vehicles, so perhaps the goal isn't that ambitious, but another part of the plan is for 20 models to have autonomous technology. As part of this, they announced the forthcoming Altima would be the third Nissan vehicle to get their Pro Pilot autonomous system, which is pretty basic so far. And that's probably a good thing, given the week autonomous vehicles have had.

Accord to Cheap Out to Sell Out

Fresh off a redesign that has it looking uglier in almost every respect than its previous generation, the Honda Accord now features a hybrid model that uses the company's tried and true system of pairing a 143-horsepower four cylinder with a 181-horsepower electric motor to somehow combine and create only 212 horsepower. Impressively, the trunk space isn't hindered at all by the battery, which probably means there's no spare tire. Also impressive is the fact that the new Accord Hybrid costs a whopping $4,000 less than the outgoing one. The reasons for this, to me, are many. First, the new hybrid is actually less efficient than the old hybrid, averaging just 47 MPG in the city. Second, just look at it, with its awkward chrome unibrow-looking front end and Volvo knock-off rear with its incomplete styling lines and random chrome. It's an ugly car. I used to really like the Accord, but this really changes all that. Also, sedan sales are dropping like a stone and the Accord, usually a best seller in this class, is stagnating on dealer lots. As of the beginning of this month, dealers averaged a 103-day supply of Accords, which are normally so in-demand they can be hard to find. The problem is so bad that some dealers have canceled orders for new Accords and others are asking Honda to come up with some generous incentives for leases just to get them out of their inventories. And it's still not a bad car, it's winning acclaim for its performance from many news outlets. But man, just look at it! I suspect many buyers are, and that's the reason they're still sitting on the lot.

Viper Factory’s Future Features Past

When the production of the Dodge Viper ceased last year, Detroit lost a factory (again) and gained an empty building (again). Fortunately, Fiat Chrysler have come up with some plans to not just let the structure languish and decay the way so many other factories have in the motor city. Instead, the building will be remodeled to become a museum for historic Chrysler and Fiat vehicles in North America. It will be renamed the Connor Center and become home to 85 of the company's 400 or so historic cars, but for reasons unknown to me, it will not initially be open to the public. If I were Chrysler, and thank god I'm not because I can't stomach another breakdown, I'd be out there every day imploring the public to remember that we once made some cars that some consider historic. Basically anything to distract from the current fleet's J.D. Power and Consumer Reports scores.

Design Finally Trending the Right Direction

When you think of over-designed cars, the first thing that has to come to mind is the current Honda Civic. It's just vile in its ostentatious, look-at-me boy-racer styling, but it's far from the only guilty party. The new Lexus style is fairly polarizing and the Germans have been guilty of applying 15 feet of styling to a 12 foot car recently as well. But, at least in the latter's case, that's set to change with upcoming models, as both BMW and Mercedes have announced plans to tone down their looks and bring styling back to a simple, understated elegance. Honestly, it's what I like most about German cars and part of the reason I bought the GTI. For the price, for the performance, it was the least shouty choice and the silver paint really made the few styling lines on it pop in a way that I thought was really clean looking. Whereas with recent Mercedes and BMW vehicles, intersecting styling lines have tended to create design clash instead of flow, new models will emphasize sleekness. Audi has been doing this for years, but their downfall is that, in creating a minimalist design, they have minimized the differences in all of their vehicles, making them virtually indistinguishable from one another. 

Driving Test Involves Not Much Driving

Photo by Buffalo Police Department

Things didn't go too well for a 17 year-old in Buffalo, Minnesota on Tuesday, when she went to take her driver's test. Parked right out front of the exam office, the teen fired up the vehicle, which is apparently the only part of the test she got right, then shifted into drive, stomped on the gas instead of the brake and launched her Chevy Equinox straight through the front of the office. Fortunately, nobody was inside and the teen wasn't hurt, but the 60 year-old examiner in the car with her had to be hospitalized for non-life-threatening injuries. While no charges will be filed against her for the mistake, I am pretty sure her classmates will sentence her to life without forgetting what she's done.

Stig’s Strange Speed Stunt

Photo by Guiness World Records

Last week it was lawn mowers, this week, tractors, as Top Gear's Stig has set a new Guinness World Record for fastest modified tractor. As a stunt for this weekend's episode, the bright orange rig with a ridiculous wing on the back hit 87.27 miles per hour after two runs were averaged. For a 5.7 litre 507 horsepower Chevy V8, that isn't very fast at all, but for the Stig, in a tractor with open sides, I bet it felt pretty damn quick. Some say, he moonlights as a scarecrow.

Bike Breaks, Brings Brown Boxers

In other speed-related news, things didn't go quite to plan for Valerie Thompson this week at the World Speed Trials in Australia, which takes place on a salt flat that I didn't know existed outside of Bonneville. While attempting to break her 304 mile per hour record on a custom motorcycle, Valerie's bike...experienced trouble...causing the bike to lay down and slide for about a mile, shedding bits of itself along the way as it came to a stop and leaving a bright red stripe across Australia. Fortunately, Valerie is okay and she did manage to hit 328 miles per hour before the problem started. The bike, however, needs some serious work. Experiencing technical difficulties is never fun, but I can't imagine a more pants shitting moment than technical difficulties occuring above 300 miles per hour on two wheels.

McLaren Finds Friends with Flops

McLaren may not have had much luck with Formula 1 last year since they used Honda's shitty, under-powered, unreliable motors, but they haven't lost their sense of humor. Since now all Formula 1 vehicles will be fitted with the so-called "Halo" to prevent drivers' heads being taken off by flying debris or, indeed flying other vehicles, that means there's a new hashtag branding opportunity for companies constantly seeking for a way to make the most expensive motor sport cheaper. Some have accurately noticed that the halo device looks less like a halo and more like the straps of flip flops or, if you live in Australia, thongs. So who better to sponsor the halo than a flip flop company? McLaren has brought on Gandys, a British lifestyle brand who are, fittingly, launching a McLaren-inspired flip flop called the "halo edition," from which 100% of profits will go to the company's charity that benefits orphans in Sri Lanka. So while we'll wait to see if this season has a happier ending for McLaren, we should all go out and buy some F1 flip flops and give some orphans happy endings a little sooner.

Philippines Phlatens Phat Rides

If you're familiar with Rodrigo Duterte, this next story is probably going to seem pretty tame by his standards. After all, he operates death squads that have killed a documented 1,400 drug users, petty criminals and homeless people, even children. But he is the president of the Philippines, where he rules with an iron fist and squadron of bulldozers. And I do mean literal bulldozers, which he used this week to crush 14 vehicles worth about $525,000 that were illegally imported into the country. The cars included Mercedes, Porsches and Maseratis and the show was broadcast for the entire country to see, apparently as a confirmation of the Duterte's commitment to build a country free from the shackles of corruption. There's more work to do as apparently there are almost 1,000 other smuggled vehicles on the docket for destruction. As much as I don't want to see Lamborghinis, Aston Martins and others impounded and then crushed in a reality show kind of way, I suppose it's worth it if it takes Duterte's mind off of killing the children of drug addicts.

Highway to Hellcat

A Wisconsin man apparently out to prove the unsuitability of the Dodge Challenger Hellcat was arrested on Tuesday for driving 140 miles per hour on an Indiana Toll Road. If you're thinking, "how the hell did the cops catch a 707 horsepower muscle car?" Well it's not because he crashed, it's because he got caught behind everyone's favorite rolling roadblock; two semis driving side-by-side without passing each other. This may have been the only occasion that that happening was actually a good thing. When asked for an explanation why he was driving at twice the speed limit on an interstate, the driver just said he was trying to get to Maryland. Because there can't possibly be faster ways to get there than by endangering hundreds of people on public roads with a drag race car with shitty suspension.

Authored by
Devlin Riggs

New Cars for the week of February 5th, 2018

McLaren MSO X

It seems like every month or so we’re getting a new vehicle from McLaren, which is definitely not a bad thing. They said that their Senna is able to beat the P1 around any track in the world, which makes sense, it should, it’s a faster and more expensive car. But this week they took the baby McLaren, the 570S and handed it over to McLaren Special Operations, the customization division for their road cars, who churned out the MSO X, which is essentially a road-going version of their 570S GT4 race car.

It has all the same aero, producing 220 pounds of down-force at speed and a fairly Spartan interior that has been rendered in bare carbon fiber and includes no cup holders, but there is a place behind your seat to stow your helmet, because you’ll feel the need to wear one even if you’re not on a track in this thing. They’re only making ten of them... and they’re gone. Totally sold out even before it was announced. And this is becoming a thing, which makes me think that these cars are only being announced so that, on the rare occasion one special edition is spotted in the wild, we know what it is and how rare it is so we can be even more jealous of the car’s owner than we would be if we just thought “hmm, that’s a racy-looking 570S."

 Rezvani Beast Alpha X Blackbird

Apparently coach-built versions of existing cars are a thing this week because we also have the ridiculously named Rezvani Beast Alpha X Blackbird. The last time we heard of Rezvani was when they took a Jeep Wrangler and made it into a tank-inspired off-roader and tacked a shit ton of zeroes onto the end of its price. Well, this time they’ve done essentially the same thing to a Lotus Elise, but used the Lockheed Martin SR-71 Blackbird as their inspiration. They didn’t just leave the changes aesthetic though. This thing pumps out 700 horsepower and will hit 60 in 2.9 seconds while maintaining the agile nature of the Elise and the fun wind-in-your-expensive-hairpiece feeling of a Targa top. What’s most ridiculous about this car isn’t the $225,000 base price, it’s the fact that Rezvani managed to squeeze 700 horsepower from a 2.5 liter four cylinder. I wouldn’t want to be the head gaskets on one of these things. But I dig it. Way better than their Jeep thing. I’d take one in a heartbeat.

Fisker Latigo

On the other end of the spectrum is the BMW M6-based Fisker Latigo, which is, to be blunt, just very, very ugly. Good thing there’s only one of them. Fisker really knows how to design a shit looking car with a nasty mustache-looking grille. 

 

Mercedes Sprinter

Like coach-built versions of other cars, it was also a really great week for new cars if you like vans. Mercedes unveiled their all-new third generation Sprinter, which you are free to mock right up to the point where you ride in one and think, “Wow, I’ve never been in an airport shuttle this nice.” Apparently the new Sprinters can do way more than ferry people around to Missouri wineries. The new version is more adaptable than ever and can be had in 1,700 different variants for different purposes or needs. These things are way more common to see in Europe, but Mercedes, and me, are hoping these catch on stateside. It’s a pretty excellent van for pretty much every need, plus it’s plush and comfy.

Ford Transit Connect

Also this week we got a new version of the Ford Transit Connect, which is sort of like a smaller, slightly less capable, less plush and comfy but still decently plush and comfy Mercedes Sprinter. Outside it’s been styled to look like a Ford Escape. Inside it’s been styled to look like a cargo van with seats, but those seats apparently now have more cushioning. This may not be the most exciting new vehicle segment ever and honestly, we could cover the performance specs but they don’t really matter. Just know there’s a new option you can rent instead of a minivan that will do the job just as well.

Nuro

A couple of former engineers from Google’s self-driving company Waymo got together and formed a new company called Nuro, which has developed an innovative new delivery vehicle. It is completely driverless and passengerless and instead of space for people, the vehicle features compartments that can be customized to hold any number of kinds of items, from parcel lockers to shopping bags to warming ovens or dry cleaning clothing racks. These compartments sit above the batteries and drivetrain of the vehicles, but we don’t have any details on performance or range. These are apparently designed for either fully-autonomous operation or remote operation in case it runs into trouble and needs human help. The company has approval from California to test on public roads and it hopes to have a limited number of prototypes in service by the end of the year, but this looks like it could be a great option for companies looking to replace delivery drivers. 

Nissan 370Zki

You guys remember 2009? The financial markets were melting down and jobs were scarce. Pay sucked (and it still does) but Obama was just beginning his first term as president and the country was filled with hope for change, and Nissan was there with the change where we needed it most; sports cars. In 2009, they introduced the 370Z to replace the 7 year-old 350Z. Now, almost ten years later, here we are with the same 370Z and no replacement on the horizon. According to Nissan’s chief planning officer Phillippe Klein, they are working on it but don’t know what direction to take it. The market for small, inexpensive sports cars is apparently down and Nissan is facing stiff competition from the best Mustang and Camaro ever made. With SUVs and crossovers all the rage currently, do they pull a Mitsubishi, spit in the eyes of their enthusiasts and make the Z a crossover like the Eclipse has become? Or do they try to weave in a bit of future proofing and make it a hybrid or electric vehicle?

While we wait on a more permanent answer to the Z’s future, Nissan has decided what the Z’s present needs is more snowmobile. So they took a convertible Nissan 370Z, lopped off all four wheels, fitted some skis up front and put modified tank treads in the back, to make the 370Zki. The rest of the car is virtually unchanged, but if you think a rear-wheel drive car can’t handle well in the snow, Nissan says, "Are you guys silly? I’m still gonna send it."

Authored by
Devlin Riggs

Headlines & New Cars for the week of January 22nd, 2018

Arbeit Macht Schwer

In case you thought the US was the only country with labor relations issue, here comes Germany to reassure us that we're not so different. Factory workers at Audi and Porsche plants have gone on strike to support demands of a six percent raise and the right to ask for a reduction in hours from 35 to just 28 so they can do things like care for children or the elderly for a couple of years, then return to work full time. In response to the union’s demands, employers have apparently offered a two percent raise, a one-time only “bonus” of two hundred Euro, and flat out refused to consider the reduced hours point. As they say, misery loves company, so I’m happy to see the rich American tradition of overwork and underpay is starting to catch on across the world. It makes me feel slightly less guilty for not working in France or Norway.

Geld Macht Spaß

Last year we covered the launch of the Porsche Passport Pilot Program, or as nobody calls it, Quadruple P. Well, they have some early numbers to report based on the program in Atlanta and signs are good for the brand, with 78% of participants having never owned a Porsche before. The company envisions this as just one way buyers can experience Porsche ownership, and they anticipate about 30% of buyers will purchase vehicles online in the next couple of years. Mercedes-Benz is thinking similarly, estimating that 25% of their new and used sales will come from the internet by 2025. But back to Porsche Passport - they also say it’s reaching a younger demographic, though they don’t specify how young. Given the fact that most of the participants are opting for the higher-cost, $3,000 per month service, I can’t believe these people are that young. To be able to basically have $36,000 to spend on a car every single year in addition to housing costs, food and other things, it seems like you’d have to be doing pretty damn well for yourself, which generally takes a few years. Or, in some of our cases, not at all. 

We Really Did Forget Dieselgate

After a disastrous 2015 and '16 where they were found to be using defeat devices to circumvent global emissions laws in their diesel cars, Volkswagen spent most of 2017 trying their absolute hardest to help buyers forget about dieselgate. A lot of this included generous discounts, goodwill campaigns and reinvestment in popular vehicles, not to mention the rebirth of the Microbus as the I.D. Buzz. Turns out, all that work paid off and buyers around the world pretty much did forget and stepped right back in line to snatch up new Volkswagens. What makes it more incredible is that, while the industry as a whole was down last year from 2016, Volkswagen recorded record sales, increasing 4.2% verses the year prior. And while the rest of the industry braces for more stagnating sales, VW sales chief Juergen Stackmann is optimistic, expecting sales to continue to rise in 2018. Based on the popularity of the gigantic Atlas, the compact Tiguan twins and the attractive Arteon, as well as the deal I was able to strike on a leftover 2017, it looks like their aggressive measures may be pretty effective!

Infiniti’s Shocking Moves

Meanwhile in Japan, Infiniti also had a great year, increasing sales eleven percent over 2016, but they’re still very much playing catch up to the German, English and Swedish luxury brands. Their plans to overtake their competition hinges primarily on electrification, as Nissan CEO Hiroto Saikawa explained this week. All new Infinitis launched after 2021 will be all-electric or will be range-extended hybrids, but not in the conventional sense. The company’s technology called ePower uses a gasoline motor to recharge the battery in its range extended hybrids, but that gas motor doesn’t drive the wheels at all. And there’s no plug-in feature. So the propulsion is entirely electric and the power generation entirely gas. It’s a weird setup, and especially considering Infiniti’s recently-announced variable compression engine, a strange change of approach to try to lure buyers. Then again, it could be a great solution for buyers without a garage or access to plug-in locations. 

Acura Wants to be Exciting Again

In addition to announcing the new 2019 RDX, Acura dropped a bombshell on the Detroit Auto Show, announcing the return of Type-S and A-Spec brands. For the uninitiated, Type-S is a high trim level applied to Acura models that are especially fast and good handling, and it was last used ten years ago on the TL sedan, but was famously applied to the RSX and Integra coupes, which were a ton of fun to drive. A-Spec is another trim level more focused on comfort, style and refinement than outright speed, so it’s somewhat less exciting, but no less important to buyers. The bombshell, however, was kind of a dud because they didn’t announce which models would get which trim levels or if they’d be bringing back an actually affordable fun car. It’s like Honda has this caged lunatic who wants fun cars and they let it out just a little bit at a time because if they let it off the leash completely, we’d end up with cars enthusiasts like and that’s just too much for them.

France Wants to be Less Exciting

People keep dying on French roads, with increases over the past three years after steady decreases going back as far as 1972. In response, France is lowering the speed limit on most of their highways by ten kilometers per hour, so the fastest you will be able to legally drive in France is just 56 miles per hour, rendering the fairly standard 0-60 calculations pretty useless. To their credit, the French don’t attribute all the deaths just to speed alone and have tightened regulations on cell phone use and drunk driving. This comes as road deaths are up also in Britain and the United States, illustrating a disturbing trend that I think must be attributed to cell phone usage. When I was hit a couple of weeks ago, I was lucky to come away uninjured and the other driver offered no excuse for why he ran a red light that had been red for at least seven seconds. Based on the Uber and Lyft stickers in his window though, I guessed that he was trying to find a fare. I wouldn’t go so far as to say those ride sharing companies are complicit in the wreck that has cost me days worth of time fighting with insurance companies and trying to find a new car, but the sooner we can integrate smart features into a car so drivers need look at their phones less, the better. 

BMW to Charge for Not Their Service

BMW, though, has a different idea of how to integrate phones into cars and that involves squeezing its drivers for every penny they can get, like little Bavarian weasels, hiding away all their nuts. But the truth is, the nuts aren’t even theirs! Or maybe the tree isn’t. This is a bad metaphor. BMW wants to charge a subscription fee for Apple’s CarPlay software, which they currently have as a $300 option when you buy a new car. By charging $80 per year after the first year, which is free, they argue that you pay less if you only keep the car a few years, which I guess most BMW owners do because they want to be seen driving a new BMW. The issue here is that more than 400 models of car come with Android Auto and almost as many come with Apple’s CarPlay, but it’s included in the price and not an option you have to add in later. Hell, you can buy a Toyota Corolla or VW Jetta and get these features for free, but you don’t with BMW. It’s like how fancy hotels make you pay for WiFi when you get it for free at Best Western. Why? Because the fancy hotels know you have the money to pay for it. Okay, that was a better metaphor.

Taking Crashes to New Heights

In Santa Ana, California this week, a driver managed to launch his Nissan Altima into the second story of a dental office, using a raised center media as a sweet ramp for the epic Dukes of Hazzard-style flying act. The driver, who was apparently high as a kite, was able to exit the car and hang by the door until police came and literally caught him. He and his two passengers were injured and taken to the hospital where they had some serious coming down to do. 

Photo by Southern Counties News

Tackling Terrible Truckers

From bad drivers to bad truckers, we’re headed back to England, where the Driver and Vehicle Standards Agency, or DVSA, announced the findings of a 4,000 vehicle roadside test. They found that one in 13 trucks on British roads were fitted with an emissions cheat device that give false emissions readings, allowing the truck better performance while drastically increasing pollution. If this sounds familiar, it should because it seems like there’s this type of story every week, it just usually involves auto manufacturers getting caught doing it, not truck drivers who are looking to skirt the law. A representative of the DVSA, Gareth Llewellyn said, “we’re committed to taking dangerous lorries off Britain’s roads. We won’t hesitate to take action against these drivers, operators and vehicles.” Unfortunately for Gareth, when trucks were found with defeat devices, drivers were given ten days to fix the problem or pay a £300 fine, which sounds an awful lot like they’re hesitating to take action to me.

Have a Seat

Back here in America, our love for three row SUVs has apparently created quite a criminal enterprise, because there have been a rash of robberies - of just the third row seats from SUVs. Apparently, on most General Motors SUVs, like the Chevy Suburban, Tahoe and GMC and Cadillac Siblings, if you’re able to pop open the rear glass on the lift gate, the alarm on the car doesn’t go off. Once inside, the third row can simply be unhooked and then passed out the open hatch. And who is buying all these third rows to make stealing them such a popular endeavor? If you guessed “people who have had their third rows stolen,” you’d be right. It’s tempting to victim blame here and say “just park in a garage or back in so the back glass isn’t so accessible,” but what’s the point of a car alarm if it’s not going to alarm you when someone is stealing something from it? Come on, GM, this is on you.

AI Coming Along Swimmingly

While Google and Amazon work to integrate their digital assistants into more and more new cars, Nissan is going a sort of different direction with their own artificial intelligence. Instead of a female voice, Nissan’s Xmotion Concept features a koi fish as a virtual assistant that swims across the myriad interior screens to provide drivers assistance with, well, driving, as well as entertainment and navigation. It’ll also connect with the driver’s smartphone to share information between it and the car. And in case you’re thinking this is some sort of anthropomorphized Admiral Ackbar-looking fish, no, it’s just a normal koi fish, and I think it’s neat and more companies should think outside the pond when coming up with virtual assistants.

SUV Free and Happy to Be

While Ferrari and Lamborghini rush to catch up with Bentley and Porsche on the super-expensive SUV craze, McLaren is pretty content just where they are, thank you very much. The company’s chief designer, Dan Parry-WIlliams, told Top Gear magazine this week that “I’m not the first person to point out that an SUV is neither particularly sporty or utilitarian. It’s not ‘everything for a reason’ unless the reason is to clutter up the streets.” He’s referring there to McLaren’s design motto, “everything for a reason,” and it’s refreshing to see a company stick to its credo. Meanwhile, at fellow British sports car company Lotus, whose mantra, handed down from founder Colin Chapman was “Simplify and add lightness,” they’ll soon be launching their own SUV that will neither be simple nor light, though that may be said of their buyers. 

The (Frozen) Vaporware Car

Photo by Simon Laprise

In Montreal this week, someone had a good time at the expense of some local police, who attempted to ticket a snow-covered vintage Toyota Celica Supra that was parked in a snow removal lane, blocking in other parked cars. Upon lifting the very real windshield wiper to place the ticket, the police officer discovered that the wiper arm wasn’t attached to anything because the entire car was simply a pile of snow molded into the shape of a Supra. The whole thing was the brainchild of a French Canadian artist named Simon Laprise, who found the windshield wiper on the street and placed it on the car for maximum confusion. As for the ticket issued? The citation read “You made our night, hahahahaha” or whatever the French word for laughter is.

New Cars

Jeep Grand Commander

Detroit might make a great place to launch a new Jeep, but that’s just what Jeep hasn't done this week, when images of a new three-row SUV leaked to the media. It seems every company is scrambling to get an SUV with three rows out there for all the families who insist that contorting yourself to wedge in between a door sill and the second row only to sit cross-legged on a tiny, barely-padded foldable bench seat is more dignified than just swallowing your pride and buying the mini-van you should be getting. And with regards to Jeep, they don’t currently have a third-row-capable SUV in their stable and haven’t since the mercy killing of the Commander in 2010. If you forgot the Jeep Commander existed, you’re not alone and you’re totally forgiven because it was horrible and ugly. But now we have had a look at the new Grand Commander, a seven seat SUV that is apparently a China-only vehicle. At least according to what we know about it right now. The new model borrows heavily from Jeep’s other products for styling, which is now a good thing and it looks pretty decent, so it’d be hard to believe Fiat Chrysler wouldn’t wise up and bring it over stateside at some point. Plus, starting at around $38,000, it’d fit right in with most of its contemporary competitors. Until we know if it’s coming here or not, I guess you’ll just have to buy the Honda Odyssey you should be getting anyway.

GM’s Autonomous Bolt

One of the biggest stories to come out of Detroit this week was General Motors’ launch of the all-autonomous Chevy Bolt. This is a big deal because GM is calling it the first pre-production car to be shown without a steering wheel or pedals, which I guess is accurate since we’ve definitely seen concepts without them before. While it’s ostensibly a major step forward in terms of the future of autonomous vehicles, indicating GM’s confidence that they have a car ready to go completely without human controls, it really doesn’t feel all that special. Just looking at the photos of the interior, which doesn’t have to cater to a driver anymore, it really just looks like they took the passenger’s side, went into Photoshop, copied, pasted and flipped it so the former driver’s side looks the same. That’s it. I mean, in a fully driverless car, you don’t even need a dashboard. Your displays can be anywhere, or everywhere! The seats could swivel or not even face forward, and yet here we are, with a Chevy Bolt where they just Control X’d the steering column and pedals. Congratulations GM on making the future of motoring so unappealing.
 
But thank god, Chevy wasn’t the only company exhibiting at this year’s North American International Auto Show. In fact, there were a ton of new vehicles. If you want to learn more, check out to my Auto Show Rap-Up from last week's podcast. 

Authored by
Devlin Riggs